


Clear Your Head

by sidekikcs



Category: Actor RPF, Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Chris Has Anxiety, Comfort, Evanstan - Freeform, M/M, Panic Attacks, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-09 22:14:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4366214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidekikcs/pseuds/sidekikcs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris' anxiety gets the best of him. Sebastian, however, is always there to quiet the storm in Chris' brain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clear Your Head

**Author's Note:**

> So.
> 
> I've had a horrible past few days. Like, honestly, really terrible. Bottom of the barrel. And Evanstan is the only thing that makes me feel better! Don't judge! 
> 
> Also dedicating this to that demon Tori, because she's the most angelic demon ever *heart emojis*

From the second Chris woke up, he knew it was going to be a horrible day. His hands felt clammy, his stomach was unsettled, his hands shook as he styled his hair. He looked tried, mostly from not getting any sleep and tossing and turning, his anxiety consuming him all night. He wasn't about to tell anyone, though; he didn't want to bother anyone. 

_You've been doing this for ten years, and you still get like this? You're fucking ridiculous. None of your costars feel like this. You're the only one who feels like this._

Chris really hated his anxiety, but it was disguised in self-loathing for so long that his thoughts automatically were attacks against himself. He didn't really hate himself, but his anxiety was able to turn his thoughts from 'I hate my anxiety' to 'I hate myself'. 

He was running late already. It took him an hour to muster up the strength to get out of bed. The thought of sitting on a panel with a ton of reporters asking him about his characters, his personal life, his future decisions, it really didn't make him excited for the day. He threw on a blue shirt and a black coat and some slacks and headed out the door. He grabbed a coffee before leaving the hotel, which wasn't a good idea since he was too anxious to eat, and the caffeine was going to make him jittery. 

He wasn't very talkative with his agent, who immediately knew something was wrong when she saw him. 

"Are you having a bad day?" She asked. 

Chris bit his lip. "I-I'm okay, really."

She turned her head to the side as he buckled his seatbelt. "You can be honest with me, Chris."

"I am."

She gave him a knowing look.

He rolled his eyes, annoyance running alongside his anxiety. "It's not like I have a fucking choice here."

She held up her hands. "I didn't say anything."

Chris closed his eyes and shook his head.  _Fucking asshole. She didn't do anything wrong. What the fuck is wrong with you?_ _  
_

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." Chris took a sip of his coffee and bit his tongue to hold back his tears. "I just want the day to be over with."

His agent grabbed his arm and rubbed soothing circles on it. "Do you want me to call-"

"No!" Chris said too quickly. "No, no, don't bother him. He's busy. It's okay."

In all reality, Sebastian being there was the only thing that was going to make Chris feel better, but Sebastian was busy with early camera tests for the next Cap movie, and even though he was in Los Angeles, he probably wouldn't be able to make it to Chris' hotel that day. 

They arrived at the convention center and Chris was able to drown himself in getting prepared for the panel that he momentarily forgot he was on it. 

But then he was walking on stage, right behind Downey. 

Downey had asked him if he was doing okay, and Chris had lied. Robert knew it, too, and Chris could see him whisper something to Scarlett, which made Chris shout, "Are you fucking whispering about me? Just say what you're gonna say to my face!"

Scarlett walked up to him and grabbed his arm. "Chris, calm down, we're just-"

"I'm fine! I'm really okay! But you talking about me behind my back, whispering about me as if I'm not _right fucking here_ isn't going to help." 

Robert held up his hands in defense. "Point made. We'll back off."

Renner made some sort of snarky comment, and Chris really was not in the mood for it. Hemsworth gave him and friendly hug and told him he would be okay. 

Chris sighed and made his way to the stage. He heard Hemsworth whisper to Scarlett as he walked away, "I can feel him shaking..." 

 _Fucking idiot._  He barely stopped himself from hitting himself in the face.

* * *

 Downey was the first person to grab Chris' arm when he stood up from the table. 

"Evans, wait-"

Chris was fumbling over himself, and people were shouting questions at him, and Hemsworth called after him. 

"Fuck!" He whispered to himself, tripping down the stairs and hurrying off the stage. 

Somewhere between a reporter asking him if he was dating anyone and Renner butting in and saying he didn't have any kids or a wife, Chris had gotten the feeling that his lungs were being crushed. His stomach felt like it was dropping out of him. He booked it down the hallway, ignoring the shouts at him and running straight for the SUV that he came in. 

"Chris-!" His agent called at him, but he was climbing into the car and shutting the door before she could get in the car with him. 

The driver looked back at him. 

"Go back to the hotel. Please."

"...Uh, sir-"

Chris looked up at him and didn't try to stop himself from crying. "Please!" He clutched his stomach and took short, gasping breaths, covering his face with one hand and shaking his head at himself. "God, I'm so fucking stupid. So. _Fucking. Stupid."_

The car was already heading down the boulevard. The driver asked him twice if he was okay, if there was anything the man could do, but Chris couldn't speak. He wanted to disappear. He wanted to die. 

"I'm sorry, sir."

Chris took a deep breath. "For what?" He looked up and saw four camera men waiting at the hotel entrance for him. The second his car pulled up to the curb, they were crowding his window, the cameras snapping pictures and the people shouting questions at him.

The driver turned the car off and quickly got out of the car. Within seconds he was in front of Chris' door, shouting, "Get away! Get back! What the hell's wrong with you people? Leave the man alone! Jesus Christ! He doesn't need your bullshit right now!"

Chris opened the door, leaving behind two hundred dollars in cash on the seat while he snuck past the driver. He bolted into the hotel and headed straight for the elevator. 

He sunk against the door, feeling relief wash over him when the doors closed and the metal box began moving up toward his room. 

He choked a sob out, clutching his chest. He thought he was past this. He hadn't rushed out of an interview or a panel in years. He had come so far, and it was all for nothing. And now he had to deal with the repercussions of running out. The rest of his cast having to apologize for him. Having to entertain the reporters so they wouldn't ask about him. They really were the best friends he could've asked for, but they wouldn't be able to stop the teasing he was sure to endure. He was sure Downey could relate, after that horrible interviewer brought up his past drug abuse out of nowhere. Chris felt insanely protective of Downey after that, deflecting any questions that he got about the incident. Hopefully, Robert would do the same for him. He probably would. 

Chris took off down the hallway as soon as the doors opened. He fished his key card out of his pocket and slammed the door behind him, throwing himself onto his bed and curling up. He buried his face into his pillow and breathed deeply, kicking off his shoes and covering himself with the blankets. He was asleep within seconds.

* * *

 

He woke up three hours later to a soft knock on his door. 

"Chris. It's me."

Chris shook his head and rubbed his eyes. Within seconds, the memory of what had happened earlier came flooding back to him, and instantly he was panicking. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck-"

" _Chris_." This time the knock was more of a pound on his door. "Open the door. Please."

Chris couldn't decipher the voice. But he thought he knew who it was, and his heart sank.

_No. He's busy. No, no, he shouldn't have come. I worried him. I-_

"Chris, please, babe. I want to see you, open the door."

Chris rubbed his face and stood on shaking legs, walking slowly over to the door. He reached for the handle and turned it slowly, swinging it open.

Sebastian looked up at him and smiled. "Hi."

Chris felt a thousand emotions slam into him at once. Sebastian didn't have to come, yet he did. He cared enough to come. But he was busy that day, and Chris knew that. He ruined Sebastian's day, making him worry. He teared up and hid his face in his hands. 

"I-I'm sorry, Seb, I'm so so sososososo sorry, I didn't mean to-"

Sebastian stepped into the room and closed the door behind him, then grabbed Chris and cradled his head against his chest. 

"No, baby. Don't be sorry."

"But-"

"Shh. Don't be sorry. You're okay."

Chris' face twisted and he sobbed, clutching Sebastian's back. 

"I'm s-s-s-supposed to be b-better," Chris cried. 

"You don't have to have a good day every day." Sebastian guided him toward his bed, propped himself up on the headboard and pulling Chris onto his chest. He ran one and up and down Chris' back while he brushed his fingers through Chris' hair with the other. 

"I fucked up. I really did. I'm never gonna hear the end of this. Why did I fucking  _do_ that?"

"You can't control this, Chris."

"I did, though!" Chris groaned. "I was  _in control_ of it, Seb! I had it all under my control, and I completely fucked it up."

"Chris." Sebastian said firmly, cupping Chris' head and staring him straight in the eye. " _No one_ can blame this on you. You having anxiety is completely out of your control. And if anyone deliberately triggers it, I will cut their fucking throat."

Chris dipped his head back down and shoved his face into Sebastian's chest. Sebastian ran his fingers soothingly through Chris' hair and held him close, waiting until Chris' breath regulated. Light snoring came from the man curled up on him, to which Sebastian smiled. His panic attacks always too so much energy out of him, he could sleep for the next twelve hours. If he needed to, Sebastian would make sure he did.

About twenty minutes later, Sebastian's phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out. It was Hayley.

He tapped the green circle and held his phone up to his ear.

"Hey."

"How is he?" Her voiced was full of concern. 

"He's sleeping."

"Did you talk to him?"

"A little. He wasn't really up for it. He kept blaming himself."

Hayley sighed on the other end. "It's not his fault."

"I know. I told him."

"Good. What hotel is he at?"

Sebastian sputtered. "I-Uh, he's-he's at the Mariott in LA, why-"

"I'm in Seattle at the moment, but I'm flying down."

"Uh."

"I want to see him. I watched the video. I cried. I need to see him. Did you watch the video?"

Sebastian grimaced. Chris had his head on the table, he was giving short, one-word answers, he kept closing his eyes and taking deep breaths through his nose. Renner made some comment about how Chris is the only single one with no kids, and the reporter laughed and asked Chris when he was finally going to find the right person to settle down with. Chris slammed his hands on the table and nearly fell over himself trying to get out of the room. Renner was apologizing, trying to grab Chris and tell him it was just a joke, but Scarlett grabbed his ear and twisted, shouting, "What the hell is wrong with you!" Renner did look apologetic, and Chris would definitely forgive him, but he would forever be on Sebastian's shit list. 

Of course, everyone was immediately on it. Reporters were posting all about Chris running out of the panel. People were calling him a bad Captain America for wimping out. It was extremely satisfying to see Hayley shutting everyone down on Twitter. She'd even made a video calling out Perez Hilton for teasing Chris about it. 

"I did. I wanted to kill everyone in that room."

"Taking your role a little far, there, babe." Hayley laughed.

"Whatever!" Sebastian said back. "I saw that video you posted to Perez Hilton. A real-life Peggy Carter moment."

"I take pride in that. Anyway, I'm about to get on a plane, I should be there around eight or nine."

"Okay. See you then."

* * *

 

Sebastian had taken up to ordering room service for Chris and himself (and Hayley) whenever Chris woke up. Downey, Scarlett, Hemsworth, Renner, and Elizabeth all came by to check on him. Sebastian almost strangled Renner when he opened the door, but Renner really did seem apologetic from the heart. Sebastian was able to be civil.

Chris woke up around six-thirty. 

"How long did I sleep for?" Chris asked, yawning and stretching. Sebastian, who was sitting at the table watching the television (watching Winter Soldier, no less), answered, "About three hours. Actually, a little closer to four. It's six-thirty."

Chris sighed. "How bad is it?"

Sebastian looked at him. "How bad is what?"

"The... How bad are the reactions?"

Sebastian faltered. He knew Chris would prefer knowing the truth. But he didn't think he could handle it just yet. "Hayley's shutting down any hate."

Chris smiled. "That's sweet of her."

"There's a lot of love, though, Chris. Lots of outlets are sending you support and fending of hate, too."

Chris looked down at the sheets. "They don't have to do that. Neither does Hayley."

"But they love you. And Hayley loves you. And I love you. And Downey loves you, he's taken to tweeting his support as well. He and Hayley took down Perez Hilton, pretty much." 

Chris felt his cheeks heat up. "I love them all, too. And I love  _you_ , as well."

"Well, now, isn't that sweet." Sebastian took another bite of the sandwich he ordered. "Renner wants to talk to you. He feels really bad."

"I'll talk to him tomorrow. I really don't want to see anyone right now." 

"I understand, baby."

Chris smiled. "Thank you."

"I hope you want to see Hayley, though, because she's coming here."

"What?!" Chris exclaimed. "She's not even in California!"

"She tweeted Perez Hilton a video of herself yelling at him for talking trash about you. Do you really think she's gonna let a plane ride keep you two apart?" Sebastian asked. 

"She did  _what_?!"

"She loves you, Chris. I was ready to do the same thing."

Chris curled in on himself. "Fuck... Fuck, shit, now people are going to think I'm a fucking pussy, fuck-"

"No one thinks you're-"

"Yes, they do!" Chris shouted. "They always have, and now they're going to think even worse of me! Fuck, I can't- ... Why did, fuck,-"

Sebastian sprang up from the chair and walked over to the bed, grabbing Chris and pulling him in. "No, no, listen. People love you. Your fans are defending you to their dying breath."

"But-"

There was a knock at the door, then. "Chris, Sebastian?"

"She's already here?" Sebastian said to himself, pulling himself away from Chris to go and open the door. The second the door handle turned, Hayley pushed her way into the room. 

"Turn out, Seattle's not that far after all. I always think it'll take longer when I'm in the States." She turned her attention to Chris, setting her bags on the floor.

"Hay-"

Her arms were around him within seconds, pulling him close and cradling his head. She rubbed his back and Sebastian went around to the other side of the bed, crawling up behind Chris and rubbing his back and sides. 

"No one can make you feel bad about this, Chris. You know that?"

"But-" Chris began, his voice wobbly and muffled. "I was  _better_ , I was doing  _awesome_ , and then-"

"It happens, baby. No need to feel bad," Sebastian said softly. Hayley held him closer, tightening her arms around him.

She kissed the top of his head. "We're both here. And we're not going anywhere. We're here for you."

Chris shook a little, sobbing softly into Hayley's shirt. "I'm so fucking pathetic and  _stupid-_ "

"No, babe, no," Hayley whispered, wiping tears from his face and kissing him on the forehead. "You're  _human_. You're not really Steve Rogers, and even he would break down from time to time."

"But... But people, they tell me all the time that they look up to me, I let them down, I-"

"No, no," Sebastian whispered, "you haven't let anyone down."

"I-"

"Shh." Hayley ran her fingers through his hair. "Even the most inspirational people have bad days, Chris. No one is happy all the time."

Chris looked as if he was going to object, but he sighed and closed his eyes. "I..."

Sebastian wrapped his arms around Chris from behind and nuzzled the crook of his neck, kissing his shoulder. "Relax, baby. We're here now. Don't worry, don't think about anything. We'll be here all night for you."

Chris nearly went boneless, sobbing quietly into Hayley's shoulder. Hayley wiped tears from her own eyes and reached across and wiped Sebastian's face as well, which is when Sebastian discovered the tears rolling down his own cheeks. He really hated seeing Chris in such a bad way. He was doing all he could to help, but it was hard to keep it together when Chris made those gut-wrenching sobs. Watching him break apart was killing Sebastian. He was sure Hayley was dying inside, too.

Chris starting to fall toward the bed, and Hayley pushed the blanket out of the way so he could lay comfortably. He grabbed Hayley's hand and Sebastian's at the same time. 

"Please, please, stay, just-"

"Okay, baby, okay," Sebastian whispered, laying behind Chris and wrapping one hand around his chest. Hayley laid in front of Chris and pulled his head into her shoulder, rubbing his side while he cried quietly into her arm. 

They both ran their hands soothingly all over Chris' body, kissing him softly when he was calmed down, only because he said it was okay for them to. 

Hayley asked him if he was hungry about an hour later. 

"A bit... I could eat some of those fries..." 

Sebastian kept his head on Chris' shoulder while Hayley went to fetch the fries and the dipping sauce. She climbed back into the bed and laid the plate between herself and Chris and Sebastian. She dipped a fry into the ketchup and held it up to Chris' mouth.

Chris laughed and shook his head. "I can feed myself, Hayley."

"Nonsense." Hayley pushed the fry against his lips. "Open up. Eat the chip."

Chris shook his head. "I'll only eat it when you call it by its actual name."

"In _England,_ it's called a  _chip_." 

Chris parted his lip and took the fry-or chip- in, chewing slowly. Sebastian rubbed his back and Chris shut his eyes briefly, sighing contently. Sebastian tightened his arms around Chris. "That's it, baby, just relax."

"I'm pretty relaxed," Chris murmured, taking the next fry into his mouth. Hayley kissed the tip of his nose while Sebastian continued to rub his back. 

They spoke about nonsense, occasionally pausing to watching Winter Soldier in silence while Chris finished the plate of fries. 

When the movie was finished, Hayley switched it off and went searching for The First Avenger. 

"I'm so annoyed I'm not gonna be in Civil War," Hayley said offhandedly. 

"Me too," Chris and Sebastian said at the same time. 

"I'd be a good contribution to the film."

"You would," Chris said. "I'm sorry, can we not talk about Marvel right now?"

Hayley immediately switched to a different movie. "Of course." She leaned down and kissed his cheek. "What do you want to watch?"

He looked at Sebastian. "What should we watch?"

Sebastian thought for a moment. "Disney?"

"Technically, Marvel is Dis-"

" _Renaissance_ Disney. Like, _Pocahontas_ or  _Mermaid_."  _  
_

"Let's see." Hayley flipped through the Disney film section and found  _The Little Mermaid_. "Sounds good!" 

Chris laid his head back. "I... I might fall asleep again."

Sebastian rubbed Chris' stomach. "Okay, baby. That's okay."

Within twenty minutes of the film, Chris was snoring softly between Hayley and Sebastian. 

And when Chris woke up the next morning, Sebastian was tucked up under his arm, his hand resting on Chris' chest, while Hayley had her arms wrapped around Chris' midsection. 

Chris smiled to himself and curled up a little. Sebastian adjusted himself, laying his head more on top of Chris' chest and Hayley made a small sound of content in her sleep. Chris looked between both of them, and closed his eyes again, falling back to sleep, Sebastian and Hayley in his dreams.  

 

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is basically cotton candy. Sorry, I'll return to my demon ways soon. Sorry for any mistakes, I wrote this very quickly and I also don't care if I made mistakes.


End file.
